death

A few weeks ago I officiated my first funeral. Though an honor to be asked to officiate such a ceremony, this was a tragedy for family, friends and the church. I struggled my way through it in the best way I knew how, grabbing sermons from others and crafting something of my own, which you can find attached at the end of this post. Fighting back tears and doing my best to deliver a message, this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in ministry yet.

The funeral wasn’t for one person, but two. One of my students lost both of her parents to a drunk driver. Just like that…gone. Unfair. Unjust. Unable to comprehend and explain. I had many family and their friends approach me with “why’s?”

I became comfortable in responding this way, the only way I knew how…

We weren’t created to understand death, we weren’t made to fathom separation from others. We were created for life, life with God and life with each other. When we see life taken from us whether young or old, it never feels right nor should it. We can’t seem to accept death, but we should accept that God has a reassuring hope for us. Through the person of Jesus, He gives us access to life with God and a future-Eden to look forward to in this most desperate time.

Things I recommend you should NOT say to someone that just lost a loved one:

“I know what you are going through right now.” You probably don’t. Everyone has their own experience, their own relationships, and their own emotions.
“Are you okay?” No they aren’t! That may sound reassuring but it’s tough right now, and “okay” is a long way away.
“This is the best thing that could have happened to them.” Perhaps, if the person was suffering. But let the loved one state that, it’s not your place.

Simply state you are sorry for what they are having to endure and ask if they have any needs that you can help meet during this time. Delivering meals, house cleaning, yard work, etc. These small things can really help out a family during the loss of a loved one.

Attached here is my manuscript (names have been altered to respect the family), feel free to use it as a resource as you serve others. Funeral_Manuscript_Parker

Though I don’t fly back to Texas until Saturday, today I leave Atlanta.

I got the call while on a small putting green out behind the hotel I’m staying at…my mom had called and told me that he had taken his last breathes. It’s so strange when you get news like this. You will never forget where you where, what you were doing, the weather and time of day. The news of death, that moment, seems to be frozen in time.

I’m driving 4 hours west to attend my grandfather’s funeral in north Alabama. He went to be with Jesus this week at the age of 87. I am grateful to be nearby so that I can be there for my dad and his family during a difficult time. Losing a loved one is never convenient nor easy. Though I wish the circumstances of my visit with family were different there is an amazing swell of hope in the air. My grandfather – James Clifton Parker knew the grace of God by placing his faith in the person of Jesus Christ. He now celebrates the eternal detour of a sinful world into the everlasting glory of God.

Many thoughts come to mind when one grieves the loss of someone. One particular thought I’d like to expound on…”It just doesn’t feel right.”

It’s not. We were not created to observe or experience death. We were created to experience life and life to the fullest. (John 10:10) This is what God had planned for Adam and Eve, life to the fullest in garden…complete unity with God. But the former part of John 10:10 became a reality rather quickly, “The thief (Satan) comes to steal, kill and destroy.” Because Adam and Eve fell to selfish desires and the enemy’s schemes we now live in a world that experiences the consequences and ugliness of sin, our rebellion against God. One of these curses is a short physical life numbered by years. Though this is the case and unfortunate for us to experience, there is great news! Despite our rebellion God pursued us, His creation throughout history, ultimately giving up His one and only son so that we could be reunited with God, our creator. One of God’s greatest mercies is that He does give us the life intended for us in the garden, life to the fullest. For now we deal with a broken world ridden with death, but remember “He makes all things new.” (Rev. 21:5) Having a relationship with God here and now is just the pre-game show for what’s to come in eternity.

I’m looking forward to celebrating the life of my grandfather this weekend.

Life of a youth pastor .

My first funeral. Things you should and shouldn’t say…

Detouring to Celebrate Faith.