Life of a youth pastor .

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Challenge: Don’t pick up the microphone.

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mixboard

Last night for our high school programming was a first for me and my volunteer team. It was a regularly scheduled program for our HS students: dinner together, large group game, announcements, teaching, worship, small groups. For many it was just another night… but not for me.

On top of two middle school programs and a mission trips training, I was pretty spent. Here’s the cool part, I never picked up a microphone, clicked a button, or flipped a light switch for last night’s program. How? I empowered my leaders, volunteers and students. And it went much better than if I would have tried to pull it off on my own.

Our food coordinators had a new batch of volunteers they were training, my only part-time staff took care of the speaking part, I had a senior high school guy that’s been itching for leadership take care of announcements and the game (he did a fantastic job!), and all our small group leaders were connecting with students. What did that leave me with? The guest group! Simply sitting down and enjoying some cookie cake with two new students. It allowed me to give all my attention and energy to them. They said that they loved our hangout and were excited to get involved, taking the next step of attending a small group after Easter.

To build a team you must give away your leadership to others. You would be surprised at what could happen if you accept this challenge at one of your next programs: don’t pick up the microphone.

Try it out and let me know how it goes!

Large Group vs. Small Group

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tug of war

Let’s play out a mock scenario. You are alone in ministry and are presented with the option to provide a dynamic large group program that dozens of students enjoy attending OR recruit and equip other leaders to provide small groups for the same group of students.

Large Group or Small Groups? And you can only choose one.

This may not be the current reality of your leadership position or church, but depending which one you choose in this mock scenario says a lot about your ministry philosophy and how you will execute that philosophy.

Perhaps you do offer both the large group program and the small group model. One of these will receive more planning this week than the other. One of these has a larger budget. One of gets more time and attention.

Why did I create a mock scenario for you? Because it’s easier to think that this is a pretend situation rather than a reality that happens every single week. Every week you will choose as the ministry leader whether large group or small group is more important. You will program for one better than the other, you will put more time and effort into one rather than the other. It may be time for you to re-evaluate your priority of large group vs. small group.

I’ve got more to say about this in my next post and announce the winner.

Be a master storyteller.

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audience

When looking for a guest speaker or even brewing up a message of my own to deliver, I always ask myself… is this a good story? I’m not talking about the scripture or the personal application part. I’m merely talking about capturing your audience with a story.

As I observe students and their attentiveness to the person speaking they are either dialed in listening or dialing someone on their phone, or texting or just zoned out. As one of my professors said in college, “It is a sin to bore someone with the Word of God.”

So, why is it the speakers fault if the audience isn’t engaging? You haven’t captured their attention. You aren’t talking “studentnese”, you aren’t sharing a story that is relevant to their current world, you simply aren’t making them smile or laugh.

Jesus was the master storyteller. Many times before referring to any scripture at all, Jesus would share a story with his audience. His stories varied from family affairs, to robberies, painting pictures of grand parties, etc. He knew what his audience was used to seeing and hearing. He leveraged that to capture an audience so that they may hear truth.

Here’s my biggest piece of advice though, never make your story more important than the biblical truth. Never minimize what you are really trying to get across because your story is so cool. You should be just as excited if not more excited to share what is in the Bible and what it means to the listener than your hook.

The best book I’ve read on this subject and I would highly recommend is “Communicating for a Change” by Andy Stanley.

My first funeral. Things you should and shouldn’t say…

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funeral

A few weeks ago I officiated my first funeral. Though an honor to be asked to officiate such a ceremony, this was a tragedy for family, friends and the church. I struggled my way through it in the best way I knew how, grabbing sermons from others and crafting something of my own, which you can find attached at the end of this post. Fighting back tears and doing my best to deliver a message, this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in ministry yet.

The funeral wasn’t for one person, but two. One of my students lost both of her parents to a drunk driver. Just like that…gone. Unfair. Unjust. Unable to comprehend and explain. I had many family and their friends approach me with “why’s?”

I became comfortable in responding this way, the only way I knew how…

We weren’t created to understand death, we weren’t made to fathom separation from others. We were created for life, life with God and life with each other. When we see life taken from us whether young or old, it never feels right nor should it. We can’t seem to accept death, but we should accept that God has a reassuring hope for us. Through the person of Jesus, He gives us access to life with God and a future-Eden to look forward to in this most desperate time.

Things I recommend you should NOT say to someone that just lost a loved one:

  • “I know what you are going through right now.” You probably don’t. Everyone has their own experience, their own relationships, and their own emotions.
  • “Are you okay?” No they aren’t! That may sound reassuring but it’s tough right now, and “okay” is a long way away.
  • “This is the best thing that could have happened to them.” Perhaps, if the person was suffering. But let the loved one state that, it’s not your place.

Simply state you are sorry for what they are having to endure and ask if they have any needs that you can help meet during this time. Delivering meals, house cleaning, yard work, etc. These small things can really help out a family during the loss of a loved one.

Attached here is my manuscript (names have been altered to respect the family), feel free to use it as a resource as you serve others. Funeral_Manuscript_Parker

Explore God – Making History in God’s Kingdom

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explore-god

Driving up and down the highways of my city over the past two months I have been amazed at how many billboards look the same. The white, black and blue palates of color make up different questions, statements and a website link. Rumor has it, that this is the biggest billboard campaign the city of Austin, Texas has ever seen. With 1,834,303 people, the city of Austin and its surrounding suburbs, I believe God and His Church are on the brink of something BIG, making history for His Kingdom!

Explore God was an idea, a thought, a dream that became reality. Check this out, over 330 churches in the city are doing the same series, exploring the same questions, at the same time! “Explore God” Today marks the launch for 6 weeks worth of what can be life altering or discovering faith kinds of questions for those that might be far from God. The goal is that 100,000 spiritual conversations would evolve as a result of this series and church partnership to engage the city.

Each church has trained discussion facilitators to host small group discussion in their home, work place, or even a local pub. The point is not to convert or even argue about God, but to merely allow a safe place for questions and discussion.

My leaders and students are joining the movement. We kicked it off this morning with 160 middle school students, I’m excited to see what happens tonight with our high school students.

Would you take a moment to pray for the city of Austin? Pray those that are leading this movement but also those that might be intrigued by a billboard or conversation, that they would seek out the website and perhaps a church in their neighborhood.

Today’s Question: Does life have a purpose? Here was a quick intro video.

Many more questions, videos and materials for your church can be found on their website. www.exploreGod.com

Listen to “their” music…just push play.

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boombox01

Music is not what it use to be. If the Beatles are still your favorite band then we need to talk. The music conversation is one that most youth pastors will have with a senior pastor, fellow staff member, student band member or even a parent. I remember a parent asking me recently, “Do you think it’s okay if my daughter listens to Taylor Swift?” Here’s the reality, as a parent or a youth pastor…most of the students out there are listening to a secular radio station your city plays or quickly downloading the hottest #1 release on the digital market. If that’s not the case of your child or student, they will still hear this stuff around their friends or when they go out. While it might not be your taste, visit a radio station that plays music with bad words being bleeped out, lyrics about one night stands and a beat you can’t understand.  Here is what you need to remember – this is “their” music. This is what students listen to, this is what their friends listen to. These are the lyrics that are filling up their minds, driving their emotions, and even affecting their decision making. The chorus that sings about love, will be one of the ways they think about and interpret love as a teenager. Their favorite lead musician may appear to have it all together, this is literally a rockstar they look up to – they want to sing like them, dress like them, talk like them.

Surprisingly, there is still some clean secular music out there and when you find it… you should play it. Play it in the home. Play it as students are walking into church. Play it on the bus as you travel on your mission trip. Play the music video at camp. Students appreciate you knowing their music, and keeping up with their taste. When you play the clean stuff you are affirming and encouraging that specific song or artist. When you choose certain songs or decline particular song requests, this allows for honest conversation in why you chose these artists/songs rather than others. Avoiding the subject all together and just playing what you want is not an option.

I’m guilty of listening to plenty of songs that are irrelevant in today’s student culture. I’m an old soul. When I say to a student that I like listening to The Eagles, Marty Robbins, or some Johnny Cash they look at me real funny. So here is the challenge to you and me, find that radio station playing all the current rock/pop and just push play. Give it a whole week. Reflect on the lyrics, better understand the culture they are living in and what they are listening to. Find the fun and clean songs, write them down, download them, add them to your playlist.

I’m sure there is way more to this conversation…what do agree or disagree with? How do you feel about the challenge? What were the results if you did try this?

Orange Tour Dallas

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orange

I had a great opportunity to invest into some of my leaders by taking them to the Orange Tour in Dallas this past week. It was an awarding experience, including some great bonding moments with my volunteers and staff. If you are familiar with the Orange strategy you know what kind of stuff we studied, if you aren’t it’s rather simple – “What if church leaders and parents synchronized their efforts to fuel wonder, discovery and passion in the next generation?” By combining the critical influences of the light of the church (yellow) and the love of the family (red) the Orange Strategy shows a generation who God is more effectively than either could alone.” –www.whatisorange.org

The main focus of the conference was “Lead Small” – what a great focus for my volunteer team, seeing that we don’t have a functioning small group model to offer all of our students currently. This helped pioneer some great discussion and what we will be trying to achieve for our ministry in the year ahead.

My greatest takeaway –

“When you lead change, you decide to make adjustments to present methods for the sake of a sacred mission.”

I love the story that was shared at Orange of a current lead pastor, Carey Nieuwhof, who started ministry in a relatively old church setting. When he came on staff, he walked into one of his first staff meetings and asked the question, “I’ve been driving around Toronto all day trying to tune in on some organ music, I can’t seem to find any, why are we playing organ music on Sunday mornings?” He knew something needed to change in order to reach the current culture – not change the message nor the mission, but rather the method, the style of music being offered.

I pray for all those pastors and ministry leaders that are timid to change programs and think differently about current structure in order to reach the next generation, especially those that don’t have a church home. While the gospel message will always be the aim in my ministry and should continually be our foundation, this generation and culture is changing at a pace that we must keep up with.

Will you lead change for the sake of a sacred mission? For the sake of the next generation in the church?

Are you prepared for the attack?

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water-leaking-through-the-ceiling

Perhaps the best time to buy or rent a house is after a storm. A heavy storm. You can see where the house leaks, where it is weak and vulnerable to the attack of the elements. It’s a full house here in NYC and after the big storm last night this truth is all too fresh for my wife and I – we woke up to standing water in her parents basement.  Thankfully, everything is okay and after many loads of laundry and a few laughs we are getting ready for the day.

Now, you don’t usually get to call upon a thunderstorm right before you sign a lease or give a down payment, but soon enough the storm will come. When water starts appearing where it shouldn’t you find yourself on the hunt for leaks, seeps, drips and drops. Finding the source to the weakness and point of attack is crucial. If you do not find the source, or the initial point of attack, you can count on that specific leak coming back with a vengeance, causing more damage than it did originally.

This is a reality that every pastor or youth worker should understand. Let me explain.

Six months ago I inherited a youth ministry. While I would not consider myself “owner” (that’s God) I do feel very responsible to be a good steward of what He has entrusted to me during this season of life.

This ministry has endured a few storms- both prior to my coming and since my arrival- and I have had the opportunity to see its true colors, those areas where it is vulnerable for attack. Now, let’s go back to this morning. My wife and I wake up to standing water. Quickly we react- find a bucket, a towel, a shopvac, anything to maintain the leak and clean up the mess. But we don’t stop there; we search for the source of the leak. Once found, would it make sense to ignore it and go back to sleep? No. After doing damage control one should repair it, patch it, and reinforce it. We need to ensure that water is not going to seep in through that crack ever again.

While water was our enemy this morning, each day every one of us face a craftier enemy – Satan.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 (NLT)

Whether it be people- students, volunteers, fellow staff- or a personal struggle, I guarantee that you will endure attack from the enemy on every level. Your ministry will encounter strong winds, thunderstorms, and possibly a hurricane now and again. Stand your ground. Build your ministry to be ready for the attack.

Here are a few things to keep in mind during an attack:

  • Do not inflict more damage by confusing the damage with the source of attack. I cannot be more straightforward than this: too many times we are quick to blame a person or focus on a current problem rather than searching out the source. Yes, humans do give into temptation, people say mean things, and as a leader people will follow you or rally against you. Perhaps a moral failure will cause dissension in your ministry or even a dark secret revealed will void the return of one of your all-star volunteers. We must remember that Satan is the tempter, the schemer, the one who is unseen and desires to stay unseen. He is plotting us against each other and aiming to tear us apart. Don’t forget your source of attack.
  • You determine how others react. As the leader, people will mirror your reaction to the attack at hand. What you say will be repeated and how you handle the attack will show your team how they should handle the attack. If you have to reveal a weakness or problem area to your team, do so in such a way that points back to the enemy and reminds them that you have hope for the situation. If you do not respond well you may as well pour salt on the wound.
  • Bear up arms against the enemy, be prepared with prayer and scripture. The Apostle Paul knew his enemy and was prepared for the attack. He was not content with simply sitting in defeat but rather found his strength and defense in something more than what the enemy could handle. He used divine communication to call upon the ultimate power! Read 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
  • Victory has been promised. Despite the attack, hold on to the hope we have. Perhaps at times I am too eternally focused, letting the present pass me by. However, there is much hope found in our future as the Church. The enemy will be defeated once and for all – we must consider him as that, a loser. Shedding light on this hope and helping your team think this way can help get you over the hump and past the situation at hand. Spanning thousands of years, your attack is one of many skirmishes on a battlefield of millions.
  • See the unseen. You must always be aware that you will often be unaware – you cannot see everything that takes place. I often pray for Elisha goggles! 2 Kings 6:17 – And Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. Asking the Lord for wisdom, discernment, foresight, and processing skills is incredibly important.  Pray for these things when you encounter attack or are trying to prevent one. Never underestimate the power of asking for these things.

Prioritize the TO-DO list.

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  1. If it takes 2 minutes, just do it!
  2. If someone can help, delegate it.
  3. If none of the above, put it on the calendar.

Every night I go home with a to-do list that is never complete. I dream big and know that my list will always out do me when push comes shove. Can you relate? The to-do’s will keep coming and we will never truly finish having to-do’s, but how would it feel to have the list prioritized so you spend more time getting things done rather than feeling at loss or defeated? Getting Things Done, this book has been a huge help in prioritizing my to-do list and has helped me develop a mindset of priority in a role that requires endless decisions to be made and a process for my many tasks to be completed.This chart is referenced in the book…put all of your to-do’s through this model and see what happens.

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Was Camp a Success?

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I have been to dozens of camps both as a student, volunteer and pastor. This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking at a camp in northern Georgia. My buddy Tim Tullis, a junior high pastor at a church in Knoxville invited me to spend the weekend with him and his students. Camp was a blast, I enjoyed the students and absolutely loved the camp. It confirmed that you can pull off a 6-12 camp for students in how you organize their time at camp, a schedule for HS and one for MS. The setting was truly an escape from reality, nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, I would highly recommend Woodlands Camp for any youth group looking for a camp setting in the south/east.

Though I thoroughly enjoyed speaking at the camp, I had the great privilege of participating in a 7th grade boys cabin talk one night. Hearing them say things like, “I need to apologize to my parents for the way I act” shows me they have a group of friends hearing them out, trusting them, and participating in life change when it happens –  there was some really great conversation! Sitting in the small group and hearing the the boys reflect on the things I shared in the large session really solidified some thoughts on camp. Students will run around, play crazy games, eat that awesome camp food and even take notes in the main session BUT the life change is happening in small groups. Talking with my team at staff meeting this week  my convictions were confirmed. Much of our time is spent programming for the main program, energy spent developing games, we make sure to provide students with enough free time – and cabin time becomes “whatever you guys want to talk about.” There should always be room for the whatever in a small group, but the whatever is hopefully guided toward the essentials of one’s faith journey.

When a youth group comes off of a mountain top experience, like camp, many students experience life change. They have encountered and dealt with some big things in their life and focused on their relationship with God for a solid 3-5 days. What helped make that life change a success?

  • Proximity – Take a student out of their element and put them in an environment that is not regular to them. Getting a student away from the computer, cell phone, their favorite CD allows their mind to think about other things in the present such as God and the people around them. When you take a student out of their normal routine it allows them to zoom out and get a panoramic view of life.
  • Scheduled God Time – For the most part, students hardly spend time with God or thinking about God outside their regular program(s) or small groups that the church facilitates for them. With 2 sessions a day, personal devotions, and cabin talks – scheduled time for students to rest in God’s word and think about their relationship with Him make a HUGE impact over a few days at camp.
  • Small Groups – This is where success happens at camp. It is not only the conversations that happen in the cabin but the intentionality of taking that stuff home as a small group and continue the conversation. The camp speaker is NOT the focal point, but merely someone who primes the pump and begins the conversation for greater conversation among established relationships.

Final Thought

If much of the camp’s success is dictated on followup with small groups, how can we better aim at equipping our small groups and leaders for the long haul when returning home? If you haven’t participated in a small group in some time but lead the direction for them you are missing out. It is incredibly important to take constant pulse checks on your small groups to better serve them and provide resources to help students get connected and stay connected.