Small Group Leaders: Listen before you lead.

April 29, 2016 by Chris Parker 2 Comments

I stood in the courtyard after church one Sunday and saw something that every youth pastor dreams of seeing. The services were over (yes we dream of that haha!) yet an entire middle school boys small group was still hanging out…with their leader. They weren’t “meeting” as a small group, just talking with their leader…not throwing a football, not playing tag, not making farting noises…though this happens most of the time. In this moment theses students were relationally engaged with their leader, looking up to him, and incredibly fixed on him.

What was different about this leader than many of my other leaders? Sure, he was “cool” but even still there was something different in the way these boys just continued in conversation beyond service letting out.

After doing some digging I came to find out that THIS SMALL GROUP LEADER IS A GREAT LISTENER.

He didn’t show up to tell them how to do life better. He didn’t show up to punch a volunteer clock. He certainly didn’t do it to feel better about himself. He wanted to hear, know and empathize with these middle school boys. No doubt, it worked. These boys opened up in a way that I didn’t see other boys opening up. Because these boys knew their small group leader cared more about them as a person rather than pushing an agenda the listening became mutual.

Many small group leaders and even youth pastors are trying to figure out how to “make this small group work” because the kids are way off topic, always making jokes, not respecting the leader, etc. We try to implement rules for the small group, come up with behavior agreements, and even get parents involved to help reinforce the idea of authority. I suggest we begin with listening. If our students/kids are feeling heard I strongly believe they are more likely to listen to the leader during and more importantly AFTER small group is over.

Get more time with your leaders.

December 17, 2014 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

It was 9:28AM on a fall morning last year, right before my middle school large group program was about to begin. The morning was going pretty smooth, everything seemed ready for the program and students were beginning to show up, signing in and getting their name tags. As I watched the second hand tic-toc on the clock I began to get overwhelmed with anxiety, “Where are our leaders?” I blurted out loud. The one leader that was always on time gave a knowing smile to remind me that this was an every week occasion. I knew in that moment something had to change. It was no longer an accountability factor, we needed a change in our leadership culture.

After talking with some other youth pastors and some of my staff I laid down the ultimatum. I announced the shift from what was normal and asked them to trust me and give it a try. The shift being, instead of asking leaders to show up 15 minutes prior to program and arrive where the students arrive, we would meet 30 minutes before program in the staff office space. This locker room mentality before the big game would allow us all to really dial in each week, look at our content, how we will engage the students and have time for Q&A.

The shift did not come without a cost. Yes, it’s one more thing the youth pastor has to prepare for, but it’s totally worth it! When you get 30 minutes to lead your leaders every week you would be amazed at how much closer your feel to them, the pulse you have on their leadership and the trust that is continually established.

Here’s the coolest thing, it creates community for your leaders. When you create a space for them that doesn’t involve the common denominator that which is students, they have to connect with each other. We throw in free coffee with the signature creamers and some snack food to show them we do appreciate them giving us additional time. I have stopped asking leaders to show up on time because I don’t have to any more, they want to show up early and hang with their friends! 90% of my 50-60 leaders show up 30 minutes prior to one of our three student services every week, they are rarely tardy.

When your leaders are getting more time with you and each other they are better equipped for ministry.

The time with my leaders include:

A conversation starter, giving them 5 minutes to connect with each other.
The WIN for the week.
An overview of the message and small group questions.
Push any events outside of regular programming.
Prayer.

How do you spend time with your leaders?

Are your leaders equipped?

December 17, 2014 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

When we launch a new leader into a small group, it’s just another day in our world. We forget too often that this is not just another day for this new volunteer. For this new leader, it could be the equivalent of launching an astronaut into outer space, asking them to embark on a foreign journey. This journey will undoubtedly have unexpected turbulence and certainly new ideas and concepts never encountered before along the way.

A question I ask myself often, “If I were a leader or volunteer in my ministry, would I feel well equipped for my role?” And the answer I sadly give myself sometimes is, “no”. When this reality sinks in for any of your volunteer or leader roles you need to troubleshoot, problem solve and strive to equip or you are going to lose this volunteer you worked so hard to recruit.

Leaders and volunteers step out of youth ministry every year for various reasons, but a big reason that I continually hear from not just my own ministry at times but from others as well, “I just didn’t feel well equipped for my role.” Wow. We worked so hard as a church to recruit this person we just had to have in this serving role and now they are walking out the door after 6 months of volunteering their time. They head back to warming pews during sermons as we eagerly look to “fill the gap” that volunteer left behind.

It’s your fault. No, not all the time but most of the time you can attribute someone’s reason for leaving because they didn’t receive the continual training, encouragement, and guidance they needed during their season of serving. It may not be your role to do all the equipping but it is your responsibility if you are the leader of the ministry.

We are always refining and re-thinking the way we equip our leaders in my ministry. I want to make sure a new leader is very well equipped and educated before stepping into a small group setting, but it shouldn’t stop once they start serving…they equipping should be tailored to the leader.

In the same way an astronaut would use various equipment from mission to mission, your small group leaders need various means of support and tools for the various groups and ages that they work with. It starts simply with a conversation and a few questions for those you lead to see how you are doing in this area, starting with the one for yourself “If I were a leader or volunteer in my ministry, would I feel well equipped for my role?”

And the winner is…

April 1, 2014 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

In my last post I posed this question, “If you had to choose between large group or small groups, which one would you choose, and why?”

The reality is so many times we do in fact choose one over the other. We give more resources, time, thought, planning, and staff toward one rather than the other.

It is easier to staff, budget and run a weekly large group program… and there are some fantastic large group programs out there for both students and adults. The large group has become a formula that we plug people into and expect a certain outcome. During the 60 minutes they sit in that seat we hope to present and accomplish church for them. We hope to provide the opportunity of what could seem to many like a one stop shop for Jesus. I know this isn’t the heart intention of our churches or youth groups, but it’s the way it comes across to many. How did I come to that conclusion? Because they show up for the large group but won’t get involved in a small group or take next steps to serve in the church.

If I had to choose, and I do… the winner in my book is small groups. I will not deny that large group has a very important role and without it many would not attend church, hear truth, or perhaps even be challenged to get more involved by plugging into a small group or serving. I have a feeling this is backwards, we have detoured from how the church initially expanded–through smaller groups, church planting, the sending out of disciples.

There needs to be a healthier relationship between the large group and small group planning. For me and my ministry, the large group exists to support our small groups. My actual “large group time” is cut in half… half of the program time is actually given to small groups and their small group leaders to connect, have conversations, ask questions, and enjoy relationships with the students they meet with every week.

What are your thoughts on this?

My Youth Year Resolution: 2013

December 31, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

Wishing I could have a friendship with each and every student in my ministry is not realistic. Youth pastors are sometimes accused of having a few favorites, taking a special interest in a handful of students and hanging out with them all the time. And while that may be true, the greater truth is that when it comes to 100+ students, you can hardly remember all the names and say “Hi” to each of them on a Sunday morning. Students need more than just a “Hi” each week. Students need someone that is intentionally and consistently investing in their life, taking special interest in their spiritual development as they explore God and mature in their faith journey. I suppose someone needs to play favorites after all, it shouldn’t be solely the role of the youth pastor.

Programs are great teaching moments and momentum boosters, but authentic relationships is the glue of ministry – it keeps people together.

What’s my youth year resolution? In 2013 I plan to launch a small group movement for both middle school and high school students at my church. Connecting a student to an adult that is demonstrating an authentic relationship with God will benefit a student’s growth far more than any program. Life on life discipleship is not a new invention nor will it expire, this is what Jesus displayed for us. He did life with 12 men. He traveled with them, stayed up late with them, explored cities with them, went on camping trips with them, went hiking with them, went sailing with them…talked life with them, spoke truth to them, asked them the hard questions. There is no doubt according to scripture that these were monumental moments for the 12, that’s why we have them in writing.

Your leaders/volunteers may not be Jesus, but they do have the time to spend with students. How will they spend this time? How will they lead their group? What kind of adventures will they go on? Imagine how much impact a Christ following adult could have on 12 teenage lives.

Though I aspire to launch a small group movement for students, it begins with my leaders. Offer a small group or multiple small groups for your leaders – period. This not only helps in laying a foundation for students, but you can better grasp understanding of where they are at in their relationship with God and others. Seeing your leadership in a small group setting on a regular basis will hopefully be reflected in the way that they lead their small group.

Equipping them is key, find multiple ways to make this happen:

Get personal. Spend time with each leader, cast vision for them, help them set goals.
Develop a small group survival kit for them. More on this later.
Take them to a conference or on a retreat. We are going to Orange in January.
Show up at small group, let them know in advance. Give them feedback, applause and constructive criticism.

A few books to consider when initiating or developing a small group movement:

Was Camp a Success?

October 26, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

I have been to dozens of camps both as a student, volunteer and pastor. This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking at a camp in northern Georgia. My buddy Tim Tullis, a junior high pastor at a church in Knoxville invited me to spend the weekend with him and his students. Camp was a blast, I enjoyed the students and absolutely loved the camp. It confirmed that you can pull off a 6-12 camp for students in how you organize their time at camp, a schedule for HS and one for MS. The setting was truly an escape from reality, nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, I would highly recommend Woodlands Camp for any youth group looking for a camp setting in the south/east.

Though I thoroughly enjoyed speaking at the camp, I had the great privilege of participating in a 7th grade boys cabin talk one night. Hearing them say things like, “I need to apologize to my parents for the way I act” shows me they have a group of friends hearing them out, trusting them, and participating in life change when it happens – there was some really great conversation! Sitting in the small group and hearing the the boys reflect on the things I shared in the large session really solidified some thoughts on camp. Students will run around, play crazy games, eat that awesome camp food and even take notes in the main session BUT the life change is happening in small groups. Talking with my team at staff meeting this week my convictions were confirmed. Much of our time is spent programming for the main program, energy spent developing games, we make sure to provide students with enough free time – and cabin time becomes “whatever you guys want to talk about.” There should always be room for the whatever in a small group, but the whatever is hopefully guided toward the essentials of one’s faith journey.

When a youth group comes off of a mountain top experience, like camp, many students experience life change. They have encountered and dealt with some big things in their life and focused on their relationship with God for a solid 3-5 days. What helped make that life change a success?

Proximity – Take a student out of their element and put them in an environment that is not regular to them. Getting a student away from the computer, cell phone, their favorite CD allows their mind to think about other things in the present such as God and the people around them. When you take a student out of their normal routine it allows them to zoom out and get a panoramic view of life.
Scheduled God Time – For the most part, students hardly spend time with God or thinking about God outside their regular program(s) or small groups that the church facilitates for them. With 2 sessions a day, personal devotions, and cabin talks – scheduled time for students to rest in God’s word and think about their relationship with Him make a HUGE impact over a few days at camp.
Small Groups – This is where success happens at camp. It is not only the conversations that happen in the cabin but the intentionality of taking that stuff home as a small group and continue the conversation. The camp speaker is NOT the focal point, but merely someone who primes the pump and begins the conversation for greater conversation among established relationships.

Final Thought

If much of the camp’s success is dictated on followup with small groups, how can we better aim at equipping our small groups and leaders for the long haul when returning home? If you haven’t participated in a small group in some time but lead the direction for them you are missing out. It is incredibly important to take constant pulse checks on your small groups to better serve them and provide resources to help students get connected and stay connected.

A youth pastor’s dream…

August 26, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

A youth pastor’s dream: To partner each student with a dedicated, Christ-following adult step-by-step through the teenage years into college.

Why is this a dream of mine? I believe a healthy ministry model will allow students to graduate high school but not graduate their faith and leave it behind with their alma mater or letterman jacket. I would hope my youth ministry isn’t known for a cool building, fun games, or even great teaching…although those things are important! I hope my ministry would someday be known by it’s leader to student depth of connection, a depth measured by years of intentional discipleship.

Just imagine, rewind the tape back to 13 years old…what if you had a mature, Christ-following adult who was pursuing you 6th grade through your college graduation? Someone other than your parents that you could count on- a mentor, a coach, a confidant. As a 6th grader you might seem shy to the idea of someone older wanting to meet over a slice of pizza or a milkshake, but think about the impact someone could have on a life if they are invested for over 10 years!

I think this is incredibly rare in youth ministry… If the average youth pastor stays at a church for 18 months, I’d like to know how long the average youth leader/volunteer sticks around? From what I have seen I’d estimate the average run for someone serving is 2.5 years. I come up with this number by looking realistically at those few veterans that have been around 10 years, the many that are established in relationships and pouring into students by their high school graduation – putting in 4 years, and those that “try it out” making that one year commitment, but then say, “Sorry, this isn’t for me.”

Building traction and trust with students is essential, and it takes time…a lot of time! If we think about how much time students spend with one another before they share a deep secret, struggle or start talking “life” we can begin to understand just how much intentional time an adult will need to spend in order to get to the core of a student’s spiritual life, life at home, or life at school.

Today I witnessed a 5th grade girl’s small group leader move up with the girls to 6th grade, from children’s ministry into middle school ministry. It was awesome! Despite both the girls and the leader being in a new room with loud music and all the distracting happenings a middle school ministry could bring, all of the girl’s eyes were fixed on their leader. They have a consistent and established Christ-following adult invested in their life. I’m not sure what this leader does in her free time (still getting to know my leaders) but I’m sure that if she is investing an hour at a school volleyball game, an hour at Starbucks, an hour on the phone here and there…she will almost guarantee a higher connection rate, a higher attendance at church rate, a higher vulnerability rate in helping make rational decisions, and most importantly a much more likely chance of her girl’s understanding the person of Jesus Christ.

Throughout my school years I had five different youth leaders. My parents were consistent, Christ-following, church-attending people who invested into me during my teenage years – and I thank God for that. Unfortunately, there are many broken homes, with many teenagers who have been abandoned and are desperately searching for love and attention in all the wrong places. They need that 10 year leader. That teenager needs someone to jump into their life beginning in the 6th grade, or earlier, and live life to the fullest with them through studying the Bible, asking hard questions, attending their high school games, maintaining contact through college and cheering for them at graduation!

The largest dropout rate in the church occurs during a students Freshmen year of college. Just because a student graduates from your church ministry does that mean they also graduate from your personal ministry to them? We live in an era of easy connectivity. Stay engaged. Pursue their life. Point them to the finish line of faith.

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Got Curriculum?

July 7, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

This past year the youth ministry staff at Wheaton Bible Church did a trial run of the LIVE curriculum put out by Simply Youth Ministry. It somewhat became my baby from the beginning, I was intrigued by the internet platform…getting everyone signed up for it, helping design particular curriculum paths 7th-12th grade and ensuring that my leaders knew how to use LIVE. Needless to say, THIS STUFF IS AWESOME! I know each youth pastor and small group leader will have their own preferences for curriculum, and that’s the beauty of LIVE…it is totally customizable from top to bottom. You can edit each lesson to be your own, choose topics each grade will study throughout a school year AND it provides an online platform for your leaders to prepare for their group! Over the next few posts I would like to dive into deeper detail on why LIVE was a WIN for us this past year and how LIVE could be a WIN for your youth ministry this coming Fall.

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