Relational vs. Informational

December 18, 2014 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” -The Way of the Shepherd

Putting processes over people can be a threat to your ministry, and I’ve been guilty of it. Naturally, we enjoy relational time over being talked to or informed by a single person. When there is relational time involved people make a connection with those they are talking to and are able to contribute to the relational aspect. When receiving information or being talked to, many shut down because it’s a one way street they can’t turn onto, they just have to sit at the red light awaiting staring at the traffic of information until the relational green light flips back on and they can once again engage with those around them.

I do my best to find a balance for my leaders. I try to start every meeting with a conversation starter that will help the leaders exchange personal experiences in life so that they can connect with each other. Although this is true I do my best to make the conversation starter tie to the thought or win for the day. I also ask them to rotate through different leaders so they can get to know some that they might not know so well.

My leaders look forward to connecting with each other every week, I don’t have to ask them to be on time to a meeting anymore. They show up expecting to have some relational time accompanied by some information for the week.

Do you simply hold the floor when it comes to talking or do you create a space for the leaders to engage relationally with one another?

Reader’s feedback : I introduced myself.

March 20, 2014 by Chris Parker 3 Comments

Recently, I have had more traffic on my blog than usual, gaining more readers. Thank you to all who read. I appreciate comments, but love stories even more. A close college friend recently read my blog on “People are more important than projects.” It triggered a real-time response for him…

Hey dude, thanks for posting that article about people being more important than projects. We all know that but it’s something we need reminders of. I read your article and was reminded how I really don’t know my neighbors, so today when I was leaving for church with a little time to spare to say hi to the high school kids I know from bible study, i saw my neighbor across the street standing looking my way (might have been smoking), and it was kinda awkward because i wanted to just wave hi cause we both saw each other and then get in the car, but your article came to mind and i knew i needed to go say hi and introduce myself. We had maybe a 5 minute conversation before his delivery food arrived, and i went to church. But I finally went for it and he was really friendly and appreciative that I came over.

And then…

When I got home from church he was out again so I waved hi, and walked down the drive way to say hi. He thanked me again for earlier that evening and invited me in for a beer, so I said “uh… sure”. We spend then next 2 hours talking and I learned a lot about him, and found out he goes to my church to one of the services I don’t go to. He really enjoys the church, but I don’t know how sound he is on believing some critical doctrine. We talked a little about religion, but I didn’t want to press things since it was the first time we’ve ever really talked. But I hope to have more conversations and hopefully be a good christlike representation. Thanks again!

Wow! Thanks so much for sharing, what an encouragement. This is the fuel that keeps me writing.

People are more important than your project.

March 18, 2014 by Chris Parker 1 Comment

Today I had great plans for lunch. I was going to rush over to a friends house and borrow a pressure washer they had rented. My goal, simply wash all the dirt stains off the front and back patios that have accumulated over the lifetime of the house.

After hurrying through the front patio and making it look new again my “self-rule” kicked into play. I have made a deal with myself that no matter what I’m doing, if I see a neighbor walk by that I must stop what I am doing and give them full attention and be more interested in them as a person rather than my project. I’m guilty of breaking this rule, but not today. I only have 30 minutes left before I need to get back to work, could I have this conversation and get the back patio finished? Probably not.

Rudy lives across the street and we have chatted once or twice. He walked up my driveway and immediately we dove into conversation about SXSW, the big music film interactive here in Austin. Being a musician I thought Rudy would love SXSW, he went on to explain how it infringes upon the local musicians. One conversation led to another, and all the while my selfish tendencies wanted to tell Rudy, “hey, I gotta go.” The Spirit continued whispering, “Hang in there, keep talking, look for open doors.”

45 minutes later I had no time to finish my back patio, was late getting the pressure washer back to my friend, late getting back to work, but feeling more accomplished in those 45 minutes talking to Rudy than all my projects for the day. Our conversations took many turns to social media, student culture, music lyrics, life worth and eventually somehow the Spirit gave me an open door to talk about the tower of Babel and God’s relationship with people. I was able to share 3 or 4 verses for scripture including John 10:10. Towards the end of our conversation Rudy seemed pretty encouraged and I felt a camaraderie between us not just as neighbors but as friends.

I had a project in mind when going home for lunch. God had a person in mind. Discovering a friendship with someone else and talking about a relationship with God trumps all projects. This is what God wanted to remind me of today.

The next time you are rushing to accomplish something for yourself, slow down and consider how God might want to use you in accomplishing His work. Let Him establish the work for you, this is my prayer for you.

Psalm 90:17

May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

The tough conversation…

June 28, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

We have all been there – knowing we need to have that tough conversation with a friend, relative or peer. The conversation is not being looked forward to because you know there will be confrontation in your conversation. As much as you would like to think that this person will eventually ‘get it’ most of the time they won’t unless you talk it out.

There have been many times in my life I have been the one confronted…and if done right, I am forever grateful! There have also been times that I have been on the other side, trying to confront someone about something…perhaps it’s an attitude, a cycle of sin, or even just feedback on how someone is leading. I think we all have been on either side of the equation and I’d like to take a moment to unfold some things to keep in mind that will help you the next time you are approached by someone with a confrontation or perhaps you need to have the tough conversation with someone else.

1. Show some humility. We are all sinners here, remember you have had your moments too! Any situation can be a learning moment, do not put yourself above the person that is calling you out – hear them out. When you sit down to have a conversation with a student, leader, or peer and want to confront them – think about where you have struggled in life, perhaps in the same areas.

2. Be quick to speak…scripture tells us not to let the sun go down if we are angry with our brother or sister in Christ. We need to talk things out – NOT in the heat of the moment, take a breath, take a walk, talk with God first. We need to make sure we are speaking in love, not out of our sin nature in anger or hate. Have open ears to listen to the other person, but we cannot let important feedback linger. If we confront someone about a situation that took place 6 months ago, this could blur the lines of caring, urgency, and priority. If it was that important, why are you waiting until now to bring it up? Avoiding the conversation will only make things worse and furthermore show that this confrontation is not important.

3. Be honest. I know that when I’m honest with a student or leader, there might be some questions, dislike, hurt feelings, perhaps even disagreement but in the end they usually thank me for being honest. The worst thing that could happen is being honest with others about how you feel toward a particular person without being honest directly with that specific person, this is called GOSSIP! Honesty can and will complicate conversations, but it does bring us closer to the realities we are discussing and the feelings we are feeling.

4. Follow Up. I had a really tough conversation with a student a few weeks ago – it was honest, we both showed humility, and both of us saw it as a learning experience. We perceived certain things about each other that seemed to drive a wedge between us…we both perceived wrongly. It was so good to clear the air and have the tough conversation. Through tears, prayer and hug I still felt a little bit uneasy where things were left UNTIL the follow up. We briefly talked exactly a week later and I feel much better as where things stand. Tough conversations can be really hard for both the listener and the one who feels compelled to say something…let it settle in for a while. Evaluate the conversation as you have it, will this need to be re-visited? Do I need to bring in a parent or church staff member into this conversation? What would be the best way to follow up? Make it a point to tell your listener…”I’d like to follow up next week.” And do it! This shows that your truly care about them. Ask them how they are doing, ask them if they have had any thoughts on the conversation you had. If you are the listener and you think it may be needed, make sure you ask for a follow up conversation. Some things might be revealed to you that you should not respond to in the heat of the moment, let it settle…pray over the things said, do a self evaluation and perhaps seek wise counsel from someone you respect.

Though there are many things to consider, but these few things kept in mind when having a tough conversation can be extremely helpful. I know they have helped me!

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