Will leadership sufferings expire you?

December 9, 2013 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

After being at my church now for just over 18 months as a youth pastor I have come to the realization that I have reached my expiration date. Yup, the average tenure of student pastors across the nation. But why? In comparison to other jobs and positions held both inside and outside of ministry why only 18 months? We can knock on leadership’s door and ask why and many times the excuses could vary from we can’t have more money for our ministry or more staff to help us do our job, perhaps we just feel like a step-child in the church at times, staff and parents patting us on the back thanking us for “dealing” with the teenagers. I don’t think a student pastor leaves a church or ministry because of the students, budget, or even staffing, it’s simply a leadership thing.

A nugget shared from J. Oswald Sanders in his book, “Spiritual Leadership”…

“True greatness, true leadership, is found in giving yourself in service to others, not in coaxing or inducing others to serve you. True service is never without cost. Often it comes with a bitter cup of challenges and a painful baptism of suffering. For genuine godly leadership weighs carefully Jesus’ question: “Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” (Mark 10:38b). The real spiritual leader is focused on the service he and she can render to God and other people, not on the residuals and perks of high office or holy title. We must aim to put more into life than we take out.”

I inherited the leadership of a student ministry with a small handful of dedicated leaders knowing we needed many more to help develop authentic faith for our students… forgetting what was behind and pressing on toward the goal over the last 18 months we now have 45 leaders and volunteers serving in student ministry! And while many give the thumbs up and applaud the numbers, we know it wasn’t just handed us. Take a good hard look at any church or ministry in the world that is growing – growth didn’t happen without painful moments and suffering that cuts deep emotionally and spiritually. In my situation I would say for every one leader recruited there has been a difficult or bitter conversation to be had with another. If anything, I have learned that my leadership sufferings have made me stronger, allowed me to carry more and develop a higher capacity of compassion for others.

The next time a challenge is added to your bitter cup or you experience painful suffering, just know that it’s part of the job description. And if you think quitting your position will excuse you from that, you are simply wrong. Challenges and suffering live at the top of the list when it comes to following the way of Christ. Hang in there, work through the bitterness and find joy on the other side, don’t quit too soon.

A glance at the past & then back to the future!

August 27, 2013 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

To say the least, my 2013 summer has been packed full of everything under the sun, from moving into a house to preparing a program switch for HS students. Here’s how my summer unfolded in review and what I’m up against for the Fall.

SUMMER, a glance at the past:

My wife and I had the awesome opportunity to partner with her parents in finding an investment property here in Austin, we are renting from them. We found the most amazing 1972 special in north Austin and have been doing home projects since we moved in, wood floors next month should top it off! (pictures to come, stay tuned)
I lead two GO! Teams, one MS & one HS trip to Branson, MO to serve the working poor and less fortunate. Each week we fed over 300 people and loved on their kids by doing kids clubs. For 34 of our MS students, it was their first serving experience ever!
I began a nationwide search for a position I am hiring…after many candidates God has yet to reveal the right person for the position. This search has had it’s ups and downs, but one thing is certain…God is in control and I’m trusting Him for this.
Calla’s brother K.J. married an amazing woman Nicole, so happy for them. We spend a week in NYC/Pennsylvania for the wedding.
I took a quick kayak fishing trip to the coast with a buddy. It was fun, but no fish 🙁
5 different house guests among July/August… it’s so fun to have a home to house friends and family!
The crux of my summer was researching and pushing through a program change for our HS students. We had a successful launch on Sunday night (we moved from Wednesdays), we had 75 people attend, 25 of them being adult leaders. This was perhaps the best leader to student ratio I have ever seen, now to get more students! I’ll write more about this later.

FALL, back to the future:

Continue to improve and settle into a rhythm for our HS program.
Explore God. This is AMAZING, over 320 churches in the greater Austin area are coming together to do the same 6 week series for the city, wow! We will be doing it for students.
Orange Tour. Gateway Church here in Austin will be hosting the Orange Tour on November 5.
I have been invited back out to Tennessee to speak at a fall camp for MS and HS students.
There is a possibility of helping pilot a mountain biking/mission trip in Haiti, we’ll see…
Calla’s parents are flying in next month, a first look at the house. Yippee!
We are already talking about our Christmas production and winter camp for students at Gateway, I love planning ahead.

Do you take time to reflect on what God has allowed you to enjoy in the past? Do you think and pray about upcoming activities in the future? Give it to God and trust Him.

Church & School – Build the Bridge! (DIY9.10)

May 15, 2013 by Chris Parker 1 Comment

This is in response to a former article I wrote on DIY Student Ministry. This is the ninth of ten areas that I’m covering in this series.

Nothing says, “I want to be in your world” more than a visit to the student’s school. Whether it be for lunch in the cafeteria or sitting in the student section at a football game – when you approach the school you approach where they do most of their life. Now before I get into this, we must make an observation…some schools are open and some are closed, meaning some schools will let you and your volunteers into the building for lunch with your students while others will not. There are some loopholes. Some campuses would like to make you think they are closed…start asking questions of where they need help or how you can meet with an individual student. The administration may start by asking you to fill out a volunteer application or have a written letter on file from the parent of the student you are meeting with.

When you get into a student’s world at school, you will better understand the crowd you are trying to reach on a weekly basis. If you lose touch of this, you diminish your effectiveness as a student pastor. You might as well be teaching an empty hallway.

When I was in Chicago the campuses were closed but I was able to apply for a mentor program that allowed me to get on campus and meet with students that needed help thinking through the process of going to college. This allowed me to see some of my students but also meet students I didn’t already know.

Here in Austin it’s a little bit of both, it’s actually not even consistent within each school district. I had a regular habit of visiting the closest school this semester until things got ridiculously busy. One thing I quickly discovered was that my HS group of 60 students represented 16 different high schools in the Austin area. Knowing that I barely had the time to visit one school, I knew that do-it-yourself student ministry would not have the impact that these students and schools needed from the church. I currently have one HS volunteer visiting (going through the application process) the school I was visiting and one MS volunteer visiting a MS just down the road. Slowly but surely I hope to get more of my leaders and volunteers to help build the bridge between the church and school.

Here are some ways to get started:

Do a prayer walk. Pick a Saturday morning, invite your volunteers and walk the campus asking God to open doors (literally) for you and your team.
Just do it! Try to meet with one of your students with lunch. Make sure to check-in with the office.
Schedule a meeting with the principal, let him/her know that you and your volunteers are available for anything that they may need help with.
Go to the games. Students love to be supported, make a sign, paint your face, make it memorable!
Send a gift basket their way with a card in it on teacher appreciation day.
Offer to plant flowers or do landscaping to make the campus a more enjoyable place, see if the garden center in your town would donate flowers and plants to this.
Recruit specific volunteers to be the liaison for a specific campuses. Get this team together in the late summer to strategize and set goals for the school year. Talk about what success looks like.

How have you made a presence on your school campus? What is your success story of partnering with a local school?

This is in response to a former article I wrote on DIY Student Ministry. This is the ninth of ten areas that I’m covering in this series.

Leveraging Social Media! (DIY5.10)

April 27, 2013 by Chris Parker 1 Comment

This is in response to a former article I wrote on DIY Student Ministry. This is the fifth of ten areas that I’m covering in this series.

If you know anything about students, you know how much they value social media. It’s where they connect with each other. Whether it be through pictures, text, or video…long gone are the days that the student actually calls a friend to have a phone conversation or shows up on their front door step to play outside on a Saturday. Their turf is digital and it’s glued to their hand. We know in student ministry that we cannot always expect the student especially the unchurched to come to us, our church building. We need to go to them, and meet them on their turf. Showing up at their game or at school for lunch has amazing impact, and that’s physically getting on their turf and into their world – you should do it. The next best thing is to get where they are at through social media. “Follow, Like, Friend”…your students on facebook, twitter, instagram, vine, etc. Paul said, “I became all things to all people…that I might win some for Christ.” For students this means to think like a student and interact with students on their level – through their means of communication.

Leverage Social Media for your ministry:

This can pay huge dividends for your ministry when it comes to communication, don’t feel like you have to be the one to own it, give it away to another student or volunteer. Get away from the DIY model.
Use facebook as a homepage. Create a cover photo to match each series or to promote upcoming events. Create something to scale using photoshop (851×315)
Build your presence on Instagram. I printed a 4’x4′ canvas with the app logo that hangs in our student space. You can’t help but notice it. We have also had Instagram scavenger hunts, this builds your audience because your students are promoting for you amongst their friends! In 5 months we have reached over 200 students and their friends.
Find out what other social media is hot for your students, trends tend to come in waves depending on your geography. While twitter might be popular among one crowd, vine might be popular among another.
Interesting fact: It seems most of my HS students have or use facebook…almost none of my MS students do. For this reason it’s important to diversify your social media to extend your reach.
Posting at least 3 times a week is a good average. One silly picture, one reminder about programs, and one of students hanging out, playing games, band rocking out, etc.

“But what if I see students interacting or communicating in a way that I don’t approve of?” It will happen, more than once. I have bumped into many unsettling, even disturbing facebook posts, instagram photos and even text messages. First and foremost, consider social media an education piece. You will learn more about the student culture through social media than you could through having a conversation with a student. Why? They aren’t afraid to speak their mind on social media. It must be a psychological mishap, but for some reason students either think they can post something and no one cares, or our teen culture has evolved to such an inappropriate level that bad words, lack of clothing and bullying are just the norm of social media.

So should you engage a student in conversation if you see something like this? It depends on the student, and it depends on the content.

For example, let’s pretend I have one student “Suzie” that frequents church and is somewhat engaged with our student ministry – she posts on facebook “Can’t wait for the party after prom!” I have another student that is unchurched, “Jessica” has only visited twice and I haven’t seen her in a while, I follow her on Instagram and it seems that she had quite the party last night according to the picture #partygirl #allnight #wasted. Both show up to church the next morning. To both of these girls I think you could say something. To Suzie, you could ask more of a leading question to find out more about this party and help her better understand what ambiguity on social media can do to your reputation…I have had this conversation with multiple students, I really think they are ignorant sometimes. To Jessica, do everything except confront her on her behavior. BE CAREFUL HERE…DO NOT RUN HER DOWN OR MAKE HER FEEL GUILTY – THIS DOES NOT PROVIDE THE WELCOMING FACTOR FOR A STUDENT. Tell her that you are so glad to see her and excited that she chose to come to church. As you or other leaders build trust, then consider making a soft approach to the party life by first talking about how much you care for them. I have seen too many students walk away from church because they feel judged – if you are following students on social media and only point out the bad behavior, your chances of seeing them again are slim. Like or comment on the good stuff you see to show your encouragement toward better behavior.

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Creating & Maintaining a Visitor Follow-Up Process (DIY4.10)

April 21, 2013 by Chris Parker 2 Comments

This is in response to a former article I wrote on DIY Student Ministry. This is the fourth of ten areas that I’m covering in this series.

A new student walks into your room on a Sunday morning…better yet, do they? Thousands of students every year go unnoticed or aren’t given the opportunity to even make it to the threshold of the youth room. Many churches forfeit their opportunity to welcome the student by lack of promoting and advertising the time and location in which students meet. Let’s face it, the day of parents dropping off their teenager at the door is coming to a close; unless the teenager themselves can find out when and where you are meeting, then you just lost many potential students. Where are your signs? Are your meeting times and info on the church website, how about social media? I’d love to discuss on how to better encourage the number of visitors to your program but first I would find it incredibly important that a solid foundation is in place for welcoming the visitor.

It’s music to the student pastor’s ears when they hear, “We had 10 visitors today!”…that’s great, but the question I would silently ask myself would be…”Are they coming back?” Understanding that you hold some responsibility on whether or not a visitor returns is a huge deal! Do you have the pressure from your church to “grow” your youth group size numerically? Well, have you considered that the only way to grow your youth group numerically is through new attendees (visitors that come back)? This shows just how important a visitor follow-up process can be.

My Visitor Checklist:

Did you get their contact information?
Did you give them a gift in exchange, thanking them for coming?
Did you connect them with someone they can identify with: school, grade, hobby?
Did you personalize a follow-up step? Phone call, post card, gift drop, etc.
Did you connect with the parents?

If zero of these things happen, the likelihood of this student returning is slim to none. However, each step improves your chances of seeing that student again…if you complete all 5 steps I estimate you have a 60-70% chance of seeing that student again, especially if they do not have a church home and enjoyed their time. I helped restart and improve this process in my new role at Gateway Church, but this is not something I do on my own. Striving to get away from a DIY SM, I have invited others into this process that can be far more welcoming and do a better job at maintaining our process. Knowing the next teen that walks through my door could experience life change forever and a relationship with Jesus Christ – partly because we were faithful to help them get connected and stay connected, now that’s a reason to get excited about a visitor follow-up process! (theology disclaimer: We take no credit for their salvation, but would like to think our faithfulness to this kind of process is God gracing us and allowing us partner with Him when it comes to seeing life change!)

I recommend the book Fusion. This doesn’t directly apply to student ministry but many of the follow-up methods can be repurposed for welcoming teenagers.

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DIY SM – Do it yourself student ministry!

April 8, 2013 by Chris Parker 23 Comments

Confession, I’m guilty of reading Popular Mechanics magazine. I love to find articles on do-it-yourself (DIY) projects around the house. Whether its staining the wood trim around our windows or changing the oil on my motorcycle, I find it fascinating to learn and do things on my own.

While time alone and DIY projects are life giving to me…I know that doing student ministry alone is not! I hope you would agree with me that student ministry was not created for the student pastor. The student ministry is not a DIY project for one to carry all alone.

Student ministry is not about you! It is not about what you accomplish, it is not about the best message you ever gave, and it is certainly not about the youth space or branding that you have created for students. At the end of your term as student pastor, you will eventually be forgotten and replaced. That might seem a little harsh, but its the truth. Remembering that student ministry is not about you, and keeping that in front of you, will only benefit your ministry and expand its reach. Only when you have this mindset are you able to truly empower your volunteers and students do some ministry of their own.

You may be thinking, “If I want things done right, then I need to do it myself.” Get over it. When you empower others to do ministry you relinquish your rights to be the “do-er” but you don’t relinquish your rights to be the visionary. Practice painting the picture for people, and let them do it! It won’t be done the way you would do it, but more is being accomplished overall through others than if you run a DIY SM. Many times I have found that when I empower someone else…whether it be a mom, dad, student, or fellow staff member…they do a far better job than what I could have done myself! The best memories in student ministry are made when many hands work together, making the job light, everyone is participating by putting their best foot forward in an area that needs attention. Healthy teamwork within your ministry is necessary in moving things forward.

Here is a list of to-do’s that many student pastors (including myself) are guilty of when it comes down to a DIY SM:

Readying the room. Setting out chairs, turning on lights, music, etc.
Finding or creating a game and leading it.
Stage design…hours can be spent doing this.
Creating and maintaining a visitor followup process.
Social media interaction – FB, Twitter, Instagram. Following & liking student posts.
Trip/Retreat research. Lodging, meals, travel.
Helping create or maintain a student band.
Supply run. Need I say more?
Liaisons between your church and local schools.
Project planning and recruiting for the BIG event.

…and the list could go on and on. As the student pastor you can’t do it all on your own. Empower your people!

After writing this article I feel compelled to write out a few thoughts on each item listed above. Stay tuned.

Question for you: What has been your biggest mistake or learning point in a DIY project? Whether in ministry or personally?

$20 vs. Freedom

February 20, 2013 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

Lately I have been looking around the house for things I don’t use, trying to decide whether I want to repurpose the item or sell it. I came across my old iPhone – I have upgraded and this one is collecting dust. So, just like you may have done, I took some artsy pictures of the phone and put it up on Craigslist. I listed the phone for $250. When the phone went up it was like bait in a shark tank, 6 or 7 responses in the first hour. I negotiated with a mom and her son, his phone had been stolen, we agreed on $225.

As I approached the McDonalds last night to make the exchange there was a faint whisper, “Give them $20 back after the deal.” “What?!” I exclaimed. I ignored the absurd thought and started dwelling on the fact that this was MY money and I had every right to take the cash from the amount we agreed on. Yet again, but this time a bit stronger, “Give them $20 back after the deal.” I walked through the doors and saw they were the only ones sitting at a table, I sat down and showed them the phone, that it worked just fine. They liked the product and wanted to proceed with the deal. They asked me to help find an ATT store to reactivate the phone, then the mom whipped out the cash and started counting it in front of me, the pull on my heart came again, yet even stronger, “Give them $20 back, you will regret this missed opportunity.” This voice was all too familiar, the voice of the Spirit asking me to trust Him and obey. At this point I was mad, confused, and really just wanted to get out of there with my money. I counted $225 and pocketed the money. I was a gentleman of course and held the door open for them as they walked out to their car. As Matthew, the son, was about to close the door to his car I broke down and yelled, “Hey Matthew! You will need this to reactivate the phone at the store.” I handed him the twenty dollar bill, he seemed rightfully confused, his mom looked extremely thankful, with a smile and a wave from both of them I walked back to my truck grinning ear to ear. It was the best $20 I have spent in a long time.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

Last night I had the privilege to experience the freedom in choosing to give, I was not a slave to my selfish desires or money. There is a strong joy in giving, there is an even greater joy in obeying the Spirit when He calls you to do something, even when you don’t completely understand. People say that money can’t buy you happiness, in this case I think it did for both parties.

Later that night I got a text from Matthew and his mother, “We made it to the ATT store with 5 minutes to spare. Thanks for you assistance and generosity! There aren’t enough people in this world with those characteristics. Thanks again!”

As much as I would like to take credit for what happened, I cannot. The Spirit wanted to test me and be in the spotlight. We can be different than the world around us when we choose to walk in the Spirit. I know the fruits of the Spirit are attractive to the believing and unbelieving world, but what about the one that is responding to the call? Sometimes we want others to understand God more when we choose to walk in the Spirit (that others might see Jesus in us). In this particular situation I believe that I came to understand God and my freedom in Christ more, I may have got more out of this than they did. I am extremely thankful for my divine appointment with Matthew and his mom.

Listen to “their” music…just push play.

February 4, 2013 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

Music is not what it use to be. If the Beatles are still your favorite band then we need to talk. The music conversation is one that most youth pastors will have with a senior pastor, fellow staff member, student band member or even a parent. I remember a parent asking me recently, “Do you think it’s okay if my daughter listens to Taylor Swift?” Here’s the reality, as a parent or a youth pastor…most of the students out there are listening to a secular radio station your city plays or quickly downloading the hottest #1 release on the digital market. If that’s not the case of your child or student, they will still hear this stuff around their friends or when they go out. While it might not be your taste, visit a radio station that plays music with bad words being bleeped out, lyrics about one night stands and a beat you can’t understand. Here is what you need to remember – this is “their” music. This is what students listen to, this is what their friends listen to. These are the lyrics that are filling up their minds, driving their emotions, and even affecting their decision making. The chorus that sings about love, will be one of the ways they think about and interpret love as a teenager. Their favorite lead musician may appear to have it all together, this is literally a rockstar they look up to – they want to sing like them, dress like them, talk like them.

Surprisingly, there is still some clean secular music out there and when you find it… you should play it. Play it in the home. Play it as students are walking into church. Play it on the bus as you travel on your mission trip. Play the music video at camp. Students appreciate you knowing their music, and keeping up with their taste. When you play the clean stuff you are affirming and encouraging that specific song or artist. When you choose certain songs or decline particular song requests, this allows for honest conversation in why you chose these artists/songs rather than others. Avoiding the subject all together and just playing what you want is not an option.

I’m guilty of listening to plenty of songs that are irrelevant in today’s student culture. I’m an old soul. When I say to a student that I like listening to The Eagles, Marty Robbins, or some Johnny Cash they look at me real funny. So here is the challenge to you and me, find that radio station playing all the current rock/pop and just push play. Give it a whole week. Reflect on the lyrics, better understand the culture they are living in and what they are listening to. Find the fun and clean songs, write them down, download them, add them to your playlist.

I’m sure there is way more to this conversation…what do agree or disagree with? How do you feel about the challenge? What were the results if you did try this?

Orange Tour Dallas

January 30, 2013 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

I had a great opportunity to invest into some of my leaders by taking them to the Orange Tour in Dallas this past week. It was an awarding experience, including some great bonding moments with my volunteers and staff. If you are familiar with the Orange strategy you know what kind of stuff we studied, if you aren’t it’s rather simple – “What if church leaders and parents synchronized their efforts to fuel wonder, discovery and passion in the next generation?” By combining the critical influences of the light of the church (yellow) and the love of the family (red) the Orange Strategy shows a generation who God is more effectively than either could alone.” –www.whatisorange.org

The main focus of the conference was “Lead Small” – what a great focus for my volunteer team, seeing that we don’t have a functioning small group model to offer all of our students currently. This helped pioneer some great discussion and what we will be trying to achieve for our ministry in the year ahead.

My greatest takeaway –

“When you lead change, you decide to make adjustments to present methods for the sake of a sacred mission.”

I love the story that was shared at Orange of a current lead pastor, Carey Nieuwhof, who started ministry in a relatively old church setting. When he came on staff, he walked into one of his first staff meetings and asked the question, “I’ve been driving around Toronto all day trying to tune in on some organ music, I can’t seem to find any, why are we playing organ music on Sunday mornings?” He knew something needed to change in order to reach the current culture – not change the message nor the mission, but rather the method, the style of music being offered.

I pray for all those pastors and ministry leaders that are timid to change programs and think differently about current structure in order to reach the next generation, especially those that don’t have a church home. While the gospel message will always be the aim in my ministry and should continually be our foundation, this generation and culture is changing at a pace that we must keep up with.

Will you lead change for the sake of a sacred mission? For the sake of the next generation in the church?

My Youth Year Resolution: 2013

December 31, 2012 by Chris Parker Leave a Comment

Wishing I could have a friendship with each and every student in my ministry is not realistic. Youth pastors are sometimes accused of having a few favorites, taking a special interest in a handful of students and hanging out with them all the time. And while that may be true, the greater truth is that when it comes to 100+ students, you can hardly remember all the names and say “Hi” to each of them on a Sunday morning. Students need more than just a “Hi” each week. Students need someone that is intentionally and consistently investing in their life, taking special interest in their spiritual development as they explore God and mature in their faith journey. I suppose someone needs to play favorites after all, it shouldn’t be solely the role of the youth pastor.

Programs are great teaching moments and momentum boosters, but authentic relationships is the glue of ministry – it keeps people together.

What’s my youth year resolution? In 2013 I plan to launch a small group movement for both middle school and high school students at my church. Connecting a student to an adult that is demonstrating an authentic relationship with God will benefit a student’s growth far more than any program. Life on life discipleship is not a new invention nor will it expire, this is what Jesus displayed for us. He did life with 12 men. He traveled with them, stayed up late with them, explored cities with them, went on camping trips with them, went hiking with them, went sailing with them…talked life with them, spoke truth to them, asked them the hard questions. There is no doubt according to scripture that these were monumental moments for the 12, that’s why we have them in writing.

Your leaders/volunteers may not be Jesus, but they do have the time to spend with students. How will they spend this time? How will they lead their group? What kind of adventures will they go on? Imagine how much impact a Christ following adult could have on 12 teenage lives.

Though I aspire to launch a small group movement for students, it begins with my leaders. Offer a small group or multiple small groups for your leaders – period. This not only helps in laying a foundation for students, but you can better grasp understanding of where they are at in their relationship with God and others. Seeing your leadership in a small group setting on a regular basis will hopefully be reflected in the way that they lead their small group.

Equipping them is key, find multiple ways to make this happen:

Get personal. Spend time with each leader, cast vision for them, help them set goals.
Develop a small group survival kit for them. More on this later.
Take them to a conference or on a retreat. We are going to Orange in January.
Show up at small group, let them know in advance. Give them feedback, applause and constructive criticism.

A few books to consider when initiating or developing a small group movement: